[Only the Yolk]
The popular children’s book publisher Teddy Bear Press has announced the release of a highly-anticipated book for kids aged 3-8 entitled, “My First School Shooting”.
Congress has taken heat in recent days over proposed restrictions on Hasbro’s most aggressive lines of foam artillery. A bill presently under debate in the Senate would prohibit private citizens from purchasing more than one hundred Nerf dart guns of various types per year, in the hope of stemming the tide of overseas foam weapons dealers.
The close-knit town of Alton, Ohio is reeling after a woman walked into a public library and opened fire with her vagina, killing 4 people and wounding eight others. One of the victims was the local librarian, Edna Winters, a well-known and beloved figure in the community. Witnesses state that Ms. Winters, although armed herself, was unable to reach her own vagina in time to prevent the tragedy.